Large Hadron Collider tested; Earth not destroyed

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Geneva, Switzerland (TNR) - At 7:35:05 UTC this morning, the Large Hadron Collider was tested, sending photons in a complete circuit of the 17 mile (27 km) long particle accelerator for the first time. The test was without incident, and contrary to some predictions, Earth was not consumed by a black hole created by the LHC, which in fact created no black holes at all.

The test this morning sent photons in one direction around the circuit. The next test will send photons the other way around the accelerator before the first collision test next month. Widespread fears that the accelerator experiment would destroy the planet, fed by a theory by physicist Stephen Hawking that the collision experiment may create miniature black holes, have led to lawsuits in European courts to stop the planned experiments. The resulting hysteria has prompted the satirical Earth Advisory Board to report Earth's destruction by the initial test, while at least two other websites have been created with the sole purpose of answering "No" to the question of whether the planet has yet been destroyed by the collider.

The initial test this morning was not expected to produce black holes in any event, since it was not a collision test. If the first collision test in the coming weeks does produce a miniature black hole, however, it will not have enough mass to either sustain itself or destroy the planet; Hawking's theory that the experiment would create miniature black holes also states that they would dissipate nearly instantaneously by emitting Hawking radiation before they could draw in more matter.

German chemist Otto Rossler has voiced concerns that this may not occur, and that a black hole may grow and consume the planet, but Professor Hawking and other leading physicists dismiss these concerns, with Hawking observing in an essay written to Newsweek that "The LHC is feeble compared with what goes on in the universe. If a disaster was going to happen, it would have happened already."